Tight sleeves are easily the most recognizable of all smedial traits. I’ve discovered the Smedium’s primary goal is to achieve “the look” – a combination of tight shirts, fitted pants, gelled hair, gold chains/bracelets and painfully fake tans. Here’s an in-depth look at the particulars that make a Smedium a Smedium. Countless numbers roam nightspots incessantly stalking their prey – women who’ve had too much to drink and let down their guard. This was important because, as any wildlife expert will testify, you’ve got to go undetected to evaluate an animal’s truest behavior. I’m hunting douchebags.Īs a veteran member of the bar scene, I easily weaved my way into their habitat. Though there are exceptions, I’ve found that most Smediums hang out in nightclubs, dance halls and other such venues.īe vewy, vewy quite. Smedium HuntĪnyone who’s been in a crowded bar has most likely seen a Smedium: a pretty boy on the prowl looking for the easy lay.
I’d seen Smediums my entire bartending life, but applying a label to the species was a turning point in my career. Some marketing schmoe re-named it so that dudes wouldn’t feel emasculated upon purchase.) (Excuse me, the name for spandex is now Lycra. Often times smedial shirts and other pieces are made of spandex. In layman’s terms a Smedium is a dude who wears a painfully tight outfit in order to attract the ladies. I am not the first to discover the Smedium. They wear clothing three sizes too small for their fat-free, narcissistic physiques. Lights glisten off their Pomade-riddled hair. In the murky depths of barrooms and dance floors await men adrift in a sea of fashion foolishness.
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